tía Chella
¿que es valet?
I heard about this small wooden box with a call button the head chingón presses when he wants a diet coke in a glass with a small bowl of ice on the side served by a valet. My tía Chella would make a bad ass valet. She’d be a DEI hire they couldn’t fire, because she knows things. nasty things. But that’s another story.
She walks in wearing her favorite moo moo dress and fuzzy pink chanclas, her black cat eye glasses attached to a silver neck chain, chewing cinnamon gum, looking around, holding a gold tray with diet coke in a can, no glass. no ice. “I was watching my telenovela.” Three cabinet members on their knees shrug their shoulders.
Tía Chella looks at head chingón. his mouth is open and he’s snoring. She sighs and checks the time on her ex-husband Feliz’s gold rolex watch she got from their divorce settlement on her wrist. “I’m on my lunch hour.”
A noisy fart erupts.
Tía Chella shakes her head. “Ay dios mío. Otra vez.”
Stifling gags, the nervous trio grab their white hankies and cover their noses.
Tía Chella stares at the small pendejo in a black suit and red tie with a sweaty bald head. “Hey you..you, Pee Wee come get the viejo’s coca. I want to get back to my telenovela. Marcella is going to tell Pablo, her sister’s novio he’s the father of her baby.”
Pee Wee swallows hard and slithers over. He’s ready to run. He’s heard about Tía Chella’s temper.
Tía Chella shoves the tray in his sunken chest. “And open a window. It smells like shit in here.”